Am I the problem in my relationships?
Do I need a better way to function in my universe?
How many times have we said this to ourselves or others? It could be that you are not feeling well. Or you’ve made a simple mistake.
It could also be used as an explanation for negative behavior that might be related to the use and abuse of alcohol and/or other mind-altering substances.
In the world of Recovery, a good deal of energy is devoted to understanding who we are as addicts and, then, learning how to make the changes necessary to move on to a healthier life.
The “self” associated with addiction is a “false self,” according to Richard Rohr, OFM.
“The false self is all the things we pretend to be and think we are. It is the pride, arrogance, title, costume, role, and degree we take to be ourselves. It is what’s passing and what’s going to die, and it is not who we are,” he explains.
For people in recovery from addiction, they arrive at the first stop on the recovery trail: detox, treatment center, 12 Step program and so on. Here, they learn the root causes of their addiction and the true nature of the wreckage caused by their addictive behavior and the addictive mind.
Moving forward, the recovery process is about change. First, stop using alcohol and/or substances, “one day at a time”. Then, learn how to live without self-medicating. Over time, we are taught to be better people and to build a better life.
In other words, the person I was when I arrived at the doors of recovery (in my case, AA) was being transformed by the recovery process itself. “Just do the next right thing” I was told. For me, doing the next right thing meant undoing what I had done or to stop operating the way I had been.
If we go back to Father Rohr’s notion, the self that brought me to the doors of AA was a “false self” when compared to the person I wanted to be. That false self had to “die” so that the new me could grow.
Recovery is about transformation. This is the beginning.
What about non-addicts who might be having difficulty with relationships, personal or professional? Take a look at pride, arrogance, “costume” and the role we think we play. It may be time to change that person; as mentioned above, time to develop a “new human operating system”.
Note: edited from an earlier blog entitled “I am not myself”.